we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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