I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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