Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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