Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
