I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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