he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
