i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
