You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
