Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize