That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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