my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge