you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
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Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.