So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
