Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
