ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
