I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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