At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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