I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
