just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
