if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
