you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
