And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
