Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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