Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
