You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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