Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
