Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
