i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
