I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
