She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
