So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
