Are we in a gay sports bar?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
