I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize