he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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