So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
she looked like the before picture.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
