I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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