Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
