And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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