Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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