you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
