Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
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Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
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I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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