you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
