I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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