I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
