I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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