i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
