he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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