It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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