oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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