i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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