OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
