Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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