paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
