I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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