I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
