I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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