She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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