turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
