Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
