last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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