I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
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i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
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I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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