tell your sister to shave her snatch
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
