new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
