My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
