I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
