I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
