I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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